lessons in spreading too thin

 I'm writing this right now though I should be completing homework for my foray into Art's Administration (eek!). This week has been yet another whirlwind. I'm starting to rethink my current schedule and cut myself a little slack. I tend to spread myself thin...too thin. I've notoriously taken two or three more classes than advised, written two or three more pages than required and pushed myself into two or three times more stress related mini-breakdowns in the process. Unfortunately I thrive on the madness. I specialize in anxiety driven productivity. This, also unfortunately, leads to moments where I step back angry and stressed and full of panic realizing that I alone have made this environment. So here I go again! And I say all of this not to barrage myself with negativity but to make myself and others aware that this is how I work. I've gotten a little better at recognizing the ingredients that lead to this hot mess. Today, as I logged into my courses I realized that I'm staring at yet another potential hot mess. This week I tried the following schedule: Monday-Millersville/Studio 9am-3pm, F&M (work) 4pm-10pm (we have a night class), Tuesday-F&M 9am-3pm, Millersville/Studio 4pm-10pm, Wednesday-Millersville/Studio 9am-3pm, F&M (work) 4pm-10pm, Thursday F&M 9am-3pm, Millersville/Studio 4pm-10pm Friday-Open Day. It's...sort of working. I'm realizing gas costs money and the more frequently I travel between work and the studio the more gas I'll be using up (a-doy) and I'm just not getting enough time in the studio. Also working so late by myself isn't exactly safe. Where at F&M we have more pre-cautions and I know basically everyone who belongs in the building, Millersville is much more relaxed and has far more flexibility with security than I'm used to. It works for them I suppose but it's discomforting for me. Maybe I'll get used to it and maybe I'm paranoid, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. 

This week I'll be away from both work and the studio from Wednesday until Saturday evening. I'll be in Philadelphia for the Arts Administration and Graduate Admissions orientation. I'm really looking forward to it. My program will be online and I'll be taking classes part time. I'm already signed up for an Intro to Arts Administration course and a Writing for the Arts course. Here's a snapshot of me getting familiar with my Master's coursework: 

Syllabi, how I've missed thee.

Going to class ONLINE! So future.

I've already been assigned some readings and have chosen my academic course of action. I'm looking at graduating with an MS in Arts Administration in Spring of 2017. My goal is to be fully equipped with the knowledge I would need to run some sort of small arts education organization. I haven't really opened up about it too much but I will in another post. 

As far as studio work, this week was a bit more difficult. I got a lot of little things done and have been researching paper casting methods. I'm really interested in incorporating Kiki Smith's almost waxy, translucent paper techniques with my work. I'm playing with different materials and making various molds so it feels slow going. Here are some of the molds I made this weekend. 

I nearly had a panic attack making this mold. The neck is cracked from me panicking to take it off quickly. Limited neck movement is no joke.

Shout out to my partner for still loving me despite wearing a bald cap for most of our Saturday Art Date.

I made a rough cast of my head with the help of my partner. It was a long, sweaty, plastery process but I think I can make these work. I managed to harvest two big bundles of newspaper from the library so hopefully I can start experimenting with making recycled paper. All I need is a blender and I'm ready to go. 

I'm totally obsessed with this layering of color right now.

I'm hoping the black will start to accentuate the general form while also reference graffiti type line-quality.

I know it's totally trendy to like Basquiat but whatever, I love his work.

Above is an updated image of the bata. I decided to play with some colors this week. I've been staring at this image of Basquiat's painted trench coat. I love this piece. I grew up in rougher neighborhoods and remember seeing young men tag their clothes to sort of self-brand them. Along with graffiti and the history entrenched in tagging, I really like the idea of taking something you wear and using writing, drawing and painting to make something more personal. With the bata I want to imitate some those elements. It ties to all of the aforementioned but also to my dad. He was a tagger, a b-boy and very involved in hip-hop culture in the Bronx as a teen and young adult. He still keeps a marker in his pocket to tag his name wherever he goes. He, too, painted, tagged, bleached and modified his own clothing. He even made a little money off of it. He also grew up with both Catholicism and Santeria as valid methods of worship. He wore all white for a year to be initiate and participated in various ceremonies. My mother grew up Pentecostal. He stopped practicing as their relationship developAed and hasn't really gone back to it since. Santeria is often regarded as something demonic, too-similar to witch-craft etc. Understandably so. As it's developed, it's hard to distinguish what beliefs or traditions have been tacked on by what culture. Often the kind of religious fervor you see in one country might not resemble it's source country or culture years later. So studying Santeria for me helps me understand a part of my father and my fathers side of the family I haven't really had the opportunity to know first-hand. I'm trying to sort of mash-up what I've learned about Santeria, familiar icons (i.e. the bata) and memories from my parents (graffiti) in this piece. While humor is inherent with the naming of the piece (Viejagante) I want to start to add notes of somber reflection. Technically speaking, I started pouring various colors that reference Orishas, Catholic Saints and Vejigantes over the shoulders. I'm just bought some candles used in religious worship to use as an additional layer. I'm planning on muting some of the colors with washes of white. Hopefully the whole process will create more depth and help reinforce/stiffen the fabric that wasn't coated with plaster. 

I should get back to work. The quote I'm living with right now seems to fit perfectly as an end note: 

"Nothing will work unless you do" -Angelou